


Like a fool, I wait to see you

by HarlotsofMyPeril



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Indulgent, Sexual Content, Suicide Attempt, Supernatural Elements, Time Skips, Why Did I Write This?, alternative universe, dialogue heavy (kinda)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:26:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26568757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarlotsofMyPeril/pseuds/HarlotsofMyPeril
Summary: Minnie Yontararak is given 32 days to decide her fate after encountering her childhood friend Cho Miyeon from 7 years ago on platform 36B. A story of guilt, loss, grief, and redemption.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Cho Miyeon/Original Male Character(s), Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	Like a fool, I wait to see you

**†**

**In sterquiliniis invenitur**

**†**

**†**

**†** ****

It was spring, arguably the most beautiful time of the year. It’s when flowers blossom and trees grow, basking in the gentle sunlight. But it was a bit difficult to see the beauty of spring in a city. The skyscrapers and blinding lights of billboards, cars, and the thick industrial smoke seems to dominate nature itself. The murmur of people and humming of car engines is smothering, almost like a dark cloud before a storm. Unease was the best way Minnie Nicha Yontararak could describe the feeling of waking up every day in her apartment, overlooking the field of stretching glass buildings from the horizon and back.

Her apartment was scarce despite coming from a very wealthy family. Aside from the bed and nightstand, the only other things occupying the vast 4000 sq ft. space were cardboard boxes, stacks of books, empty beer bottles, and takeout containers. It looked like a garbage dump. Minnie spared no time changing into a white dress shirt and a pair of wrinkled black trousers that have been stuffed into the back of the drawer for far too long. A jet-black blazer completed the look along with a pair of clean white sneakers. She dressed like she was going to be attending a funeral. She brushed her teeth carefully running the brush over every nook and cranny and flossed it well. She splashed cold some water onto her face and stared into the mirror, her lifeless eyes peering back at her. Dark purple bags rounded below her bloodshot eyes, complementing her pale, hollowed cheeks. They’ve been there for years- she honestly can’t remember the last time her eyes looked normal. Anyone who set their eyes on her would probably immediately associate her to a walking corpse- which was frankly pretty accurate. Minnie doesn’t only resemble one, but she was one.

Taking one last look at her dimly lit apartment she locked the doors and headed to the station. The morning sun poured through the arched glass windows of the apartment, illuminating everything it touched. A faint ray of golden light rested on a small note in Korean laying on the kitchen counter. The Hangul was shaky and imprecise as if it was scrawled in a hurry or in a drunken stupor. Small blots of red stained the crumpled page.

_“Dear mom and dad,_

_Goodbye.”_

Like always, she took the westbound train to school. 36B to be exact. It was always crowded in the mornings, the station filled with office workers and college students trying to make it their respective destinations. Minnie swipes her subway card at the entrance, entering the inner station. She passes the various convenient and souvenir shops, the smell of pennies, and coffee lingering in her nostrils.

On the way up the narrow escalator, it was almost impossible to miss the flashy advertisement boards, promoting new idol groups, up-and-coming movies, and expensive clothing brands that were stacked onto the wall. She tries not to look, but she can’t help it. Minnie slowly comes face to face with a large, illuminated board advertising one of the biggest groups in Korea: Gidle. The board was spontaneously decorated, a fancy gold border surrounding a dark backdrop. Six beautiful girls were posing wearing sleek black dresses. The one that caught her eye was the girl in the middle with a bob cut. Her dark red lips were loosely parted complimenting her dark, piercing eyes and giving off an extremely seductive charm, making her resemble that of a succubus. It was a look familiar to Minnie. She had seen it countless times in their rehearsal room when they were practicing their facial expressions for the stage. She felt her chest tighten as she slowly passed by the board, nearing the top of the escalator.

Minnie stepped onto the rusty platform. Rain poured down from the dark grey sky, loudly splattering onto the train tracks. The jumbled chattering of civilians and the loud automated messages over the speakers announcing new train arrivals and delays, mixed with the faint stench of urine and cheap perfume was normally enough to drive Minnie insane, but today, she simply relished in the commotion. She hated the train station. It was the personification of the _never-ending cycle of life_. It was the beginning and end of every man’s life, the vicious cycle never coming to an end. 

She took out her earbuds and scrolled through her music app. Her fingers hovered over "Blue" for a brief moment before softly pressing on it. Minnie's favorite artist was Troye Sivan, and _Blue Neighbourhood_ was exceptionally good. She hummed the lyrics quietly under her breath and rubbed her cold hands together for warmth. It was a soft and sad song, perfect for rainy days. Shortly after, the station’s speakers blared to life, clashing with the loud sound of rainfall. “Westbound train 36B is approaching. Please step back behind the yellow line. Please step back behind the yellow line.”

_I can't say no_

_Though the lights are on_

_There's nobody home_

The train started to approach the station, the grinding sound of the tracks beginning to reach the crowd's ears without strain. Although Minnie’s mind was already set, she was still surprised by her calmness. Her heart was beating steadily in her chest. Her hands were gently resting at her sides, not clenched nor sweaty. It felt like the world was moving without her- like she was frozen in time. It was an interesting feeling, almost like the phenomenon that athletes experience in a heated game. In a way, Minnie was playing a game herself too, or rather- finishing a game. 

_There's nobody home_

_Swore I'd never lose control_

The train pulled into the station, its wheels squealing on the tracks. And that’s when she began to walk forward. At that moment, the world around her came alive, bursting like birthday streamers. Minnie felt pairs and pairs of eyes on her, and hands tugging at her sleeves but she shrugged them off. She felt...free. Her mind was already set, and there was no going back.

_Then I fell in love with a heart that beats so slow_

She took that leap forward, feeling her body tipping towards the earth. She was about 7 feet above the tracks. It'll take less than a second to hit the rails and about several milliseconds more until the train makes an impact. Minnie heard something about suicide survivors that have jumped off of buildings and bridges, and how they almost instantly regret it the moment their feet leave the ledge. She half expected to feel regret at least to some degree, but she felt absolutely nothing. It was as if her mind was a slate wiped clean. Minnie was thankful for that though because she had always wanted her last moments to be peaceful and impassive no matter _how_ she was passing. Minnie thought of it this way: If she was going to die, she might as well die in peace, free of distractions and burdensome emotions. 

_I want you_

_I'll colour me blue_

Then she saw it. From the adjacent platform, several meters away stood a person who she thought she would never see again. This beautiful girl stood out amongst dozens of shocked onlookers. She had long, dark hair and big doe eyes. She wore a sailor’s uniform with a short blue skirt and a pair of muddy black converses. There was a strange glint in her soft brown eyes. Curiosity? Anger? No, it was more like amusement. A hint of a small smile was on her rosy lips.

_Anything it takes to make you stay_

At that moment, something snapped in Minnie's head. This was the doll-like face Minnie thought she would never see again- that she never _wanted_ to see again. She shouldn’t even be here, but somehow she was. Maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her, but Minnie swore she could almost feel her undeniable presence.

_Only seeing myself When I'm looking up at you_

They say before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. But for Minnie, the only thing flashed before her eyes was this girl.

_I want you_

**I’m sorry.**

The world went pure white before it faded into darkness.

\---

“Hey, are you awake?”

Minnie squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the blinding white light. She stirred comfortably in her sleep. The voice sounded so far away- like it was speaking to her from underwater. Minnie felt like she's heard this soft, rich tone before but right now, it sounded too distant and she just could not remember _whose_ voice it was. It was... unique, to say the least. “Just two more minutes,” she mumbled. Minnie couldn’t remember the last time she had a comfortable nap without having terrifying nightmares or sleep paralysis. No jokes, it's been years. For the first time in a long while, her body feels genuinely rested.

"Yah! Minnie! Wake up!”

“Uwahhh!” Minnie jolted up, her head smacking into something hard followed by a squeal of pain.

Minnie blinked rapidly, unsure of her surroundings. Her vision slowly came to focus. She was… at the park? It looked as if the rain had just passed. Soft rays of light were peeking through the clouds and a faint rainbow could be seen in the distance. A few joggers were passing by giving her a dirty look. She looked down and realized her clothes were completely drenched from the rain and her white dress shirt was pretty much see-through- giving the whole world a look at her undergarments. The blazer she was wearing was... ripped? Half of it was torn off completely- and the only thing she was practically wearing was the other sleeve. Anyone laying eyes on her would probably think she had picked a fight with gang members. She sat there, failing to understand how and why she got there. The fact that her clothes looked like they survived a month-long battle didn't make it any easier on her end. It took a few moments before memories of what felt like only seconds ago began to flash before her eyes.

_The note on the counter... the crowded train station... the golden advertisement board... the noise... the flashing headlights of the train... and oh god, the voice... that girl-_

“So you probably have a lot of questions..” the voice said softly, now crystal clear. 

_Oh my god..._

Minnie recognized this voice with a shiver. Hell, how could she not recognize it? Before, she wanted nothing more than to hear this voice again. She'd yearn for it day and night, begging God to just to hear her say her name once more. She even told God she'd cut off all of her fingers or stick a thousand needles in her body just to see her again. Now the voice was like a noose. It coiled and tightened across Minnie's tense throat, trapping her breath. It made the blood in her veins turn to ice and her fingertips numb as it begins to slowly choke her out of life. It truly did feel like a thousand needles piercing through her body. Was it the terror? The grief? The guilt? To be this close to the girl- who shouldn’t even be here, was giving Minnie emotions she had never felt before. She had never felt so unclean, and she could not even begin to understand or explain _why_.

“Who are you...” Minnie whispered, too afraid to turn around to face the girl. She knew exactly who she was, but she still couldn’t comprehend it. She was scared.

“You really are a pabo huh? I can’t believe you’ve forgotten about me…”

_Oh no, it’s not because I had forgotten about you… It’s because I've pushed down the memories of you into my small pandora's box. Those memories swirled like mixed paints, an extravagant concoction of colourful emotions locked away in the back of my head. I've thrown away the golden key and not even once, have I considered trying to open it again._

Minnie felt a warm hand gently grip her chin and slowly turn her face. Her breath hitched in her throat when she finally came face to face with the girl. “I missed you a lot.” Minnie tried to avert her eyes but those soft brown orbs held her still.

“What are you doing here… Cho Miyeon?” she whispered. Her heart was drumming in her chest so loud that it rang in her ears. She wondered if the girl could hear it as well.

Miyeon let go of her chin and laughed softly. “Do you not want me here? I missed you a lot pabo. It’s been a while.” Minnie looked up into the sky furiously trying to blink away the tears. She tried to calm her racing mind, remembering the technique her previous therapist told her. Clear her mind and count down from 10 slowly, while breathing steadily and repeat. She sat there, trying to focus on her mind and body only. Everything felt too much and there were too many things to process, like how she was still alive and why Miyeon was here. The only thing Minnie could do was to empty her mind and observe. The dark grey clouds were clearing, and the sun was threatening to shine through. Slanted beams of light illuminated the soft green grass and colourful buds springing from the soil. Drops of moisture were slowly dripping off of leaves, pooling into small puddles- refracting the tall, glass buildings of Seoul. Funnily enough, the cityscape that she hated so much was the only thing calming her due to its sickening familiarity.

They sat there in comfortable silence for a while with Minnie’s deep breathing filling in the empty spaces between them. It took a while, but Once Miyeon sensed that the girl beside her had relaxed, she began. “You’re obviously wondering why you’re still alive right? And why I’m here.”

Minnie nodded her bangs falling into her eyes. She looked especially cute when she’s distressed. Miyeon noted Minnie’s cute little furrowed eyebrows and her small pout with a smile. It made her want to tease the younger girl.

“Well… let’s just say it’s a second chance.” Miyeon stuck her tongue out, knowing damn well that didn’t answer any of Minnie’s questions.

Minnie raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “What... do you mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like I guess. I don’t play much video games, but I guess it’s like a second heart? You know, like extra HP points… or a revival potion in Pokemon or something.”

What a crappy analogy. “You’re expecting me to believe that God or something just gave me a free pass to start over or something? And I’m just a pokemon and he’s my trainer?" Saying that aloud made her shudder with cringe. "That’s just fucking stupid...”

“But it’s true!" Miyeon argues, "This is your second chance. It’s not reincarnation or anything but... You did get a chance to start over. That’s the only reason why you’re here.”

The panic and confusion Minnie felt only moments ago were now replaced by frustration and a desire to understand. “Well, I think this is just an illusion by my dying brain or whatever. There’s no scientific explanation. Or… maybe this is a glitch in the simulation. Though I’m pretty sure I’m not alive and you’re- or any of this is real?” As the statement was leaving her mouth she was beginning to doubt every word. She jumped off the tracks and rammed head-on with a moving vehicle at 50km/hr. Being slammed by a 35-tonne train…… no way she survived…. but she still did? The chilly wind that swept the multicolored leaves on the ground left goosebumps trailing up her arms and rustled her ripped blazer. Minnie could feel the dampness beneath her soiled shirt on her bare skin and taste the sandpaper texture of her dry mouth. Being able to feel such things made it clear to Minnie...she subconsciously knew 3 things:

_a) She **IS** indeed, somehow alive, and in the real world_

_b) There was obviously something strange- something supernatural at work_

_c) The girl beside her was indeed... real_

But she doesn’t want to admit any of that. Minnie wanted Miyeon to tell her what she wanted to hear- that she’s dead.

Hot emotions quickly began to bubble in the pit of her stomach. “You’re an illusion. You’re not real. None of this is real, you know what- it’s some sort of sick game my dying body and brain is trying to play on me.” Minnie said frantically, trying to rein in her anger but failing terribly. It flowed out of her like an overfilled glass. She stood up and cupped her hands around her mouth and screamed, “I JUST GOT HIT BY A FUCKING TRAIN AND I DIDN’T FEEL IT AT ALL! WOO-HOO!” The sound echoed in the park reaching even the outermost perimeter, raising a few confused heads. A few people were passing by who shot her a look of absolute disgust, and some that pretended not to notice. Even if everything was a hallucination, it was still Seoul- and pretty much everybody still minded their own business. Miyeon shrunk into her seat and covered her mouth with her hands. It gave Minnie some satisfaction seeing the calm girl so flustered.

“Why did you do that?’ Miyeon hissed, pulling the raven-haired back down. Feeling Miyeon’s warm touch just further affirmed that she was alive and that this was reality. This only made Minnie smolder with more anger, threatening to burst.

“I can’t believe that you don’t believe me.”

Minnie clenched her jaw and muttered, “Well, get that through your head because like I said, I’m not that stupid to believe you. I’m talking to a fucking hallucination right now!”

Miyeon’s lips were curled into a pout before exclaiming, “I thought I’m your friend! Why would I lie to you?”

_Why would you not lie to me, Cho Miyeon?_

Even though she said it jokingly, Minnie’s eye twitched and that bubbling anger in the pit of her stomach finally erupted. “Of course I’m not going to believe you. First of all, I’m not religious. I don’t even believe in the afterlife or reincarnation. Even if God decided to give me a second chance, why? Out of everybody who deserves a second chance why did they choose me. I’m good for nothing.” Minnie knew she was rambling but she couldn’t stop. The dam had finally cracked. “ I don’t have anything going for me. I’m sleeping for more than half the day, I don’t go to fucking school, hell I don’t even have a job, I mooch off of my rich family, and I’m just-“ Minnie’s voice faltered. Miyeon cocked her head and studied Minnie’s face. There was a moment of awkward silence before Miyeon wondered, “You.. really wanted to die, right? That’s why you’re not happy with your second chance.”

Minnie roughed yanked Miyeon forward by the collar and growled. “Quit calling it a “second chance” dumbass. There’s no such thing- stop messing with my head and let me die in peace!” she hissed.

Miyeon frowned, a crease forming between her eyebrows. She looked surprisingly calm in such a tense situation. “So if you don’t believe me, why don’t you explain how you’re still here?”

Now it was Minnie’s turn to frown, her dark bangs falling into her eyes. She felt bad for treating the girl so roughly so she let go. She tried to form words of protest but they all fell apart in her mouth. She couldn’t even deny it anymore. “I don’t know. I can’t explain but I know for sure that I’m-”

“-Dead?” Miyeon finished, a sad smile dancing across her lips. She reached forward and cupped Minnie’s hand in her own. Her eyeballs almost bulged out of their sockets when Miyeon placed her hand on her chest. “But if you’re dead, and you don’t believe in the afterlife- how do you explain this?” Minnie gaped at her hand on Miyeon’s chest, placed right onto her heart. It was warm and she could feel a rhythmic heartbeat on her palm. It took a minute for her to snap back into her senses before quickly retracting her hand simultaneously swatting away Miyeon’s hand with her other. Her mind went absolutely haywire.

“Woah!”

“Your face is red as a tomato!”

“A-and who’s fault is that? I hate you, Cho Miyeon your teasing habit really needs to stop.”

“I hate you Cho Miyeon, your teasing habits really need to stop.” Miyeon echoed in an annoying high-pitched voice before doubling over with laughter. Minnie’s anger dwindled hearing the sound of the girl’s laughter. Even though she was annoying sometimes, Miyeon was just too cute. This reminded her of their highschool days and their endless bickering and teasing. Minnie felt her chest tighten slightly, recalling the memories from her past.

“Sorry, you just looked so serious.” Miyeon shrugged and grabbed for Minnie’s hands again. This time, Minnie didn’t try to swat it away and softly gripped the older girl’s hands in her own. It was so warm. She ran her thumbs to her wrist and held her pulse point.

**Thump-thump-thump.**

For a moment, everything felt so peaceful. Minnie almost forgot that she just tried to attempt to take her own life and was magically brought back to life by this strange girl who she hasn’t seen in years. There was almost no doubt that Miiyeon was telling the truth about the so-called “second chance,” as crazy as it sounds. There’s no other explanation for what was happening and maybe it was just time to accept it because hell, there won’t ever be a logical explanation. They sat there for a while, their fingers loosely intertwined enjoying the warmth in the chilly weather. Minnie gently propped her head on the older girl’s shoulder. Taking in the scent of vanilla and… coffee? She hated the smell of coffee, but somehow it smelled good coming from Miyeon. It was almost comforting.

“Hey… if this really is a second chance what am I supposed to do now? It’s not like I’ve reincarnated. I’m still Minnie Yontararak. 22-year-old unemployed bum living in Seoul with her parent’s money. I have a pretty serious criminal record and no high school diploma. Why do I even get this second chance.” Minnie says quietly before adding. “Or maybe this is just an illusion. My dying thought or something. That would explain why you’re here.”

“Sounds to me like you’re still in denial Minnie.”

“I can’t really help it, given all of the weird circumstances. I know I’ll have to come to terms with it.” Miyeon gently shrugged Minnie off of her shoulders and stood up. “Well, that’s up for you to decide pabo, what you want to do with this second chance.” Minnie watched her slowly walk away, her hands clasped behind her back. She watched Miyeon jump into a large puddle, her converses now drenched in muddy water and leaves. The girl hopped around childishly in the murky water, like a little girl with her first pair of rain boots.

“ _32_ days...” Miyeon mutters cryptically.

Minnie had to strain her ears to hear the soft whisper. “32 days? What are you talking about?”

Miyeon swirled around, facing Minnie. “Pretend I’m God and I give you two choices. I can either let you pass on peacefully or give you a “second chance” to live your life. Nothing will really change...but you’ll still have the power to go down the path you want- again. You will be able to keep on living. You might continue life like how you did so before, or you might make changes to it. Life is unpredictable- maybe you will lead an average life, or maybe lead an extraordinary one. Life is full of choice, like this choice I’m giving to you right now.” To Minnie on any other day, that would sound like an insane hypothetical question- almost laughable. But given the current situation and how out of character it sounded for Miyeon, Minnie considered it seriously. It felt... important. There was a hint of sadness in Miyeon’s eyes when she looked at the stoic girl. They both knew what the answer was, but there was still that air of anticipation lingering between the two- as if the two of them still secretly hoped that the answer would somehow be different. Minnie paused before saying softly, “I would choose the first option. To die.”

“Why is that.”

Minnie sighed, stretching out her arms. She slouched in her seat and raised her eyes to look at the sky, and the vast ocean of blue also stared down at her from above. “I’ve made up my mind ~~years ago~~ months ago. I’ve decided why I wanted to end it, and I set my mind to it. Even now, nothing has changed. If I take this second chance- nothing will change. I’ve given up on myself already, Miyeon.” The way she said this even shocked herself. It was so clear. So bold. The sense of finality in her statement almost scares her. Nonetheless, it still felt good to finally get that out into the air. Saying it out loud _truly_ finalized it for Minnie. "I'm ready to just leave I guess."

Miyeon smiled sadly before looking down at her feet. “Well, that’s why I’m here.”

“What do you mean?”

A gust of cold wind blew past between them, rustling up greening leaves and small branches. Minnie watched as Miyeon’s dark hair flew in a flurry around her, turning amber in the afternoon sun. She couldn't help but marvel at how gorgeous she looked. Miyeon looked the exact same as she did 7 years ago. 

Minnie rolled her eyes. She was getting used to Miyeon's extremely vague "explanations," if you can even call it that. “So I’m guessing that’ll be the extent of your explanation. You’re not going to tell me why you’re even here?

Miyeon raised a finger to her chin, pretending to think. “Let’s just say… to watch over you I guess.”

“Like I said, _what does that mean_?”

“Exactly what it sounds like.”

“Hmm.. well that’s helpful.”

Miyeon smiled. “It’s something that you need to figure out. It’s something that you will understand in due time.”

Minnie sighed, rubbing her temples. She was now calmer and way more clear-headed than before. Despite the whole “second chance” situation being just plain absurd- she had pretty much come to terms that there was definitely something supernatural at work. She didn’t understand, nor was she very eager to- but she simply just had accepted it and let it be for the sake of her mental wellbeing. She’s already made her mind up either way though. The decision she’s going to make at the end of the 32 days was clear to her. Minnie tried to think of this fiasco as her “going away party”, her final farewell to the 24 hellish years she had endured. That was her good trait- being painfully optimistic even in the worst possible situations. Minnie stood up and stretched out her arms. The dark sky had cleared and puffy white clouds were swirled with the cerulean blue sky. Children were playing on the swings and running around with their dogs. The sounds of idle chit-chat and laughter echoed throughout the small central park.

“Let’s go somewhere quieter. I hate loud noises.” Part of that was a lie. It was true that Minnie hates loud noises- but strangely today, she didn’t seem to mind it one bit. Using that today was more of an excuse if anything. She was exhausted. Maybe she even secretly hoped that the events today were just a long dream and that when she wakes up from this long-ass nap, everything would just be the same again. 

“Let’s go to my house.”

Not waiting for a reply, Minnie got up and began to walk away. Hearing Miyeon’s small protests echoing behind her brought a small smile to her lips for the first time in a long while. The soft voice brought her back in time to bittersweet memories of seven years ago- to broken clay pots, crumpled notes, the August heat haze, and blood stained hospital sheets.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fanfic so I hope it's bearable! I know it's very vague, but it'll be more clear as the story progresses. Sorry if there's some minor grammar mistakes and such and please leave some feedback for me (─‿‿─)


End file.
